Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp

Reviewed by Marti Hutchison
Parenting is difficult; excellent, God-centered parenting is IMPOSSIBLE without the grace of God. There is no shortage of advice out there about how to raise children.  How can a parent discern which of the many well-meaning "experts" are right?  Does God's Word have any real direction for us?  Genuine believers vary widely in their parenting philosophies and methods, so to whom do we listen? 

Shepherding a Child's Heart, by Tedd Tripp, does an excellent job of addressing the heart of this issue of childrearing. Tripp, a seasoned parent, pastor, counselor and school administrator, offers no magical formula, but, instead, calls parents to the arduous task of pursuing a relationship with each of our children and living daily in the light of the Gospel as we parent.   

Shepherding a Child's Heart can be divided, pragmatically, into two parts.  The first part of the book provides the foundation for Biblical parenting, and looks at what the goals of parenting ought to be and how to pursue those goals.  It further discusses how to engage our children in what really matters, by addressing heart issues and emphasizes that communication and discipline work together.  The second half of the book provides practical training objectives and procedures for infancy through the teen years. 

Tripp's thesis, if you will, is that every behavior has its root in the heart.  We must address the heart issue, and not the outward behavior, in each of our interactions with our children.  We should, therefore, not aim for outward conformity in our children's behavior but a change of heart...an understanding of the way in which the behavior either glorified God or was sin against Him.  The goal of discipline, then, is NOT punitive, but corrective, and should be used as a means to restore relationship (with God, with parents, with others). Conversely, the goal of discipline is NOT to alienate, embarrass or chide. 

The author discusses that in order to discipline confidently, we need to first understand our calling to be in authority over our children; not because we're smarter, bigger or less sinful, but because that is the role God has given us.  We are to be shepherds to our children.  We have been placed in their lives to guide, protect, correct, discipline and teach.  Our role is NOT to "catch" them being "bad", but to understand their sinfulness and their need of a Savior, just as we understand this about ourselves.  

Tripp encourages parents to use the "shaping influences" in our children's lives (family life, siblings, values, the culture around us, etc.) to lead them toward a Godward orientation in life.  It is our role to equip them to respond to everything in life with an awareness of the Gospel, our need of it, and a desire to please God BECAUSE of it.    

I love this book!!  The centrality of the Gospel (the good news of Jesus and His pursuit of a relationship with us) permeates the book.  We must, likewise, pursue a relationship with each child that God has blessed us with, and, by God's grace, within the context of the authoritative role God has given us as parents, help our children internalize the Gospel so that it effects every aspect of their lives.  God has commanded us to "teach them (His commandments) to our children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." Deut. 11: 19  This command doesn't look optional to me.  We cannot assume that someone else is going to shepherd our children.  No, parenting isn't for sissies, but it is for people committed to relationship with Jesus, and humbly relying on Him to enable them to do what He has called them to do.  "But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness'." II Corinthians 12:9. Our great Shepherd will help each of us as we shepherd our children.      

If God is Good... Faith in the Midst of Suffering and Evil

Reviewed by Chris Tennant

If God is Good... Faith in the Midst of Suffering and Evil is the latest book from author Randy Alcorn, whose previous book Heaven enjoyed enormous popularity. In If God is Good Alcorn tackles the question that both believer and non-believer alike wrestle with, "If God is all-knowing, all-powerful, sovereign, holy and loving, why does He allow evil and suffering?" Or as St. Augustine succinctly presented the dilemma: "If there is no God, why is there so much good? If there is a God, why is there so much evil?"

Written with a pastoral heart, Alcorn carefully explores principles laid out in Scripture and reinforces them with numerous real life accounts of people dealing with suffering. Because it is not merely a collection of philosophical and intellectual arguments, this book serves not only to teach but also to comfort. (For a more scholarly approach to the subject of theodicy, consider reading D.A. Carson's excellent book How Long, O Lord?). Readers expecting quick and trite answers will be disappointed, because the truth is, there are none. If God is Good runs on the long side at 512 pages but remains completely accessible throughout, despite delving into topics such as the sovereignty of God and human will.

The book is divided into 11 sections which are comprised of several short chapters each. The book begins by presenting the problem of evil and suffering, including its origin, nature and consequences. Having a proper, Biblical perspective of sin is imperative for starting any discussion on evil and suffering. Alcorn's emphasis on how lightly we take sin and just how wide the chasm is that separates a holy God from sinful creatures is a powerful reminder for us all. As C.H. Spurgeon rightly pointed out "too many think lightly of sin, and therefore think lightly of the Savior".

Several sections are dedicated to showing why popular worldviews are simply incapable of providing a framework for understanding evil and suffering. One of the most relevant to our present day is the so-called prosperity gospel which promises health and wealth to those with sufficient faith. Of course when these temporal expectations are not met the result is a profound disappointment in a God who did not keep his "promises". The importance of having a Biblically based worldview is vital. Even a cursory reading of the gospels should be enough to discourage us from any notions of a suffering-free life in this fallen world (see John 16:33).

Alcorn also explores how some have attempted to excuse God, or get Him “off the hook”, from the evil and suffering by limiting one or more of His attributes. For instance, by denying God's omnipotence some have been able to excuse God for the evil in the world. While God remains all-knowing and knows when evil is about to occur, they argue that he is nevertheless powerless to do anything about it. Apart from breaking from Scripture which reveals God as all-powerful (see Isaiah 46:9-11) this presents us with a God who is not only unable to deliver us from suffering, but also who cannot deliver us through suffering.

The focus of the book then shifts to showing how Christianity alone provides a worldview that is big enough to include the evil and suffering around us. The clearest picture we have of God's good and perfect will being accomplished through evil and suffering is Christ's redemptive work on Calvary. God allowed Jesus' temporary suffering so he could prevent our eternal suffering. Christ's atonement guarantees, for the Christian, the final end of evil and suffering. This leads to a very readable discourse on divine sovereignty and human will.

Vital to any discussion of evil and suffering is the subject of Heaven, a place where God's eternal grace is extended to unworthy but grateful children, and Hell, where God's sovereign justice is administered to evildoers. If we do not have a sound Biblical understanding of Heaven, we rob ourselves of a source of hope and joy (see Colossians 3:1). This is where Alcorn is uniquely qualified and particularly effective, having written the definitive book on Heaven. In fact, the name of Alcorn's own ministry - "Eternal Perspective" - speaks to his desire to establish a sound theology of Heaven and eternity in the church today.

God allows suffering to make us more Christ-like. In preparing us for eternity “God doesn’t simply want us to feel good. He wants us to be good. And very often, the road to being good involves not feeling good”. Among other things, suffering ought to make us more thankful, cultivate humility, expose idols in our lives, remind us of our inability to control our life, prepare us for eternity and provide a means by which we grow in joy, compassion and hope. The book concludes with a section of practical applications for living meaningfully in the midst of suffering. A large part of that is cultivating an eternal perspective in our lives. As Alcorn reminds readers, for the believer, this life is the closest they will come to Hell. For the unbeliever, this life is the closest they will come to Heaven.

If God is Good is a remarkable achievement in that is provides a comprehensive yet accessible treatment of perhaps the most difficult question that we face as we live out our lives between "paradise lost" (Eden) and "paradise regained" (Heaven). The best summary is given by Alcorn himself, who writes that "the answer to the problem of evil is a person and a place. Jesus is the person. Heaven is the place."

Good books to read... coming this way

Starting this week, the Grace blog is back in business. Among other topics, I'll be posting book reviews by folks in our congregation. The idea is to let our congregation know about good books to be reading. We'll be featuring some on parenting, ministry, prayer, and the problem of evil (our next post), among others. So keep checking back!

Thirsting for God

  This past week, in my sermon on Luke 2:22-40, we looked Simeon and Anna and talked about their spiritual thirst which found its fulfillment in embracing Jesus the King.  I mentioned an article by Donald Whitney that I think might be helpful reading, so I'm including the link--just click here.  

  In the article, Whitney identifies three types of thirst: the thirst of the empty soul, the thirst of the dry soul, and the thirst of the satisfied soul.  He goes on to give some practical suggestions about where to do with our thirsty souls.  I hope this article will be some help and the start of more serious and concerted reflection for all of us on the invitation that we have for intimacy and depth in our relationships with God.

  

Good Books: The Prodigal God by Tim Keller

The full title of Tim Keller's new book is The Prodigal God: Recovering the Heart of the Christian Faith. Here's the bottom line: you should read this book. Prodigal God is an extended treatment of Jesus' misnamed parable of "the prodigal son" in Luke 15. Misnamed because, and this is the heart of Keller's book, Jesus' story is about not one prodigal son but two lost sons. The younger son is the prodigal lost son who leaves home, but the older brother is the equally lost son who stays home. And Keller's title comes from the real meaning of prodigal. We tend to read that word as "wayward," but it really means "recklessly spendthrift" and that's a description not only of the son, but even more so of the father who is a recklessly spendthrift with his lavish and shocking forgiveness and love for both of his lost sons.

Of course the younger son is "lost." He chafes under the authority and presence of his father, and he wants out. He goes to his father and asks for his share of the inheritance, which in those days would be two thirds of his father's estate. In effect he was saying to his father "I care nothing about you but only want your stuff. I wish you were already dead so I could get what I really want, so please just go ahead and give it to me now." He insults his father in the most serious way possible, and Jesus' hearers would have expected the offended father to drive out his son and disown him for his outrageous request. Instead, the father amazingly does what his son asks. To give the son a third of the estate, he would have had to sell land and goods to convert them to cash. He hands over the inheritance, and the son leaves to seek the life of freedom and pleasure of which he's been dreaming.

We get the fact that this son is desperately in need of a heart change, and that he is the recipient of his father's sacrificial love. What's perhaps less obvious to us, and here is where Keller's book is so helpful, is that the older brother is every bit as lost as the younger brother. The younger brother is lost in his pleasures and dissipation. The older brother, though, is lost in his obedience and moral uprightness. The younger brother avoids the father's love by leaving and being very "bad." The older brother avoids his father's love by staying and being very good--obeying his father and doing all the right things. How can all this be a bad thing--obeying the father, staying at home, etc.? Because just as the younger brother has not been melted and transformed and converted by the father's love, neither has the dutiful older brother. The older brother shows his hand right towards the end of the parable. The father is throwing a party for the younger brother who has now returned, and the older brother publicly humiliates his father by not joining in the feast, but instead refusing to participate:

But he was angry and refused to go in. His father came out and entreated him, but he answered his father, ‘Look, these many years I have served you, and I never disobeyed your command, yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours came, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him!’

All these years of dutiful service and obedience by the older son have been nothing more than his own strategy to get what he really wants: his father's stuff. No joy in serving and knowing his father. No heart that loves and values what the father loves and values. His "goodness" is only his own strategy for making life work for himself. He too, didn't love the father.

Keller quotes Flannery O'Connor's novel Wise Blood. She says of the character Hazel Motes that "there was a deep, black, wordless conviction in him that the way to avoid Jesus was to avoid sin." In other words, we can work very hard to be very good so that we can not need Jesus in any real and deep way. Jesus actually spoke to a lot people in exactly this boat--the religious professionals called Pharisees.

This is a book, because this is a parable, that our church desperately needs. Because let's face it, we're not a church filled with prodigals, though we may have a few. We're a church that falls off the horse in the other direction--not in shaking off constraints and the carefree pursuit of pleasure at all costs, but in our dutiful pursuit of having everything in order. We tend, at least in the outward show, to be very, very good. But could it be that we're often good, if we were to be honest with ourselves, not because we're living out of joyful response to Jesus, but actually because we're afraid of Jesus and doing all we can to avoid really needing him or coming face to face with him? On the whole, if not actual older brothers who are missing out on relationship with the Father, we are at least still very "older brother-ish."

Are you sure this doesn't apply to you? Read the book. Not sure if you buy this idea that you can be good and miss God not only at the same time, but actually miss God because of your pursuit of goodness? Read the book. Do you think this might actually be you? Read the book. And let's talk.

All I've got for you is Jesus...

When I was in seminary, one of the sayings I frequently heard from my counseling professors was that "we have a big Bible." We have many & large struggles in this life: sickness, suffering, death. Temptations and addictions. Eating disorders and relational disorders. Depression, anxiety, fear. Deep marital strife. Shallow relational connections. Sexual struggles of all kinds. And I find that in talking to people in times of significant struggle it's hard sometimes to believe myself what is true--that God is at work, that somehow he is in control and committed to bringing good out of the bad in the lives of his children. And in those moments it's easy to forget that we have a "big Bible," one that actually has something, in fact a lot of things, to say to those who struggle. It speaks to the fearful, the addicted, the sinning, the depressed, the dying. It speaks to us in our struggle with sin, whatever the particular genre of sin that might be in our own particular lives. And it speaks to us in our suffering, the common denominator of so many of our struggles with the hard edges of our health, our brain chemistry, our situation, our relationships. For all the glory of God's good work in the world and in the lives of his children, the Bible, this great story of salvation, comes to us in the midst of all the real brokenness of our real lives. So we really do need a big Bible, and we really do have a big Bible. And that's a big gift.

But there's another side to all this as well. The Bible, for all it's "bigness," has one grand Center, one main theme to which all the stories, all the letters, all the exhortations and laments and praise all point. One thing stands at the heart of the Bible. In fact, one person--Jesus. The help that the Bible provides is always help that's centered not in technique, but in a relationship with Jesus. For example, the Bible has a lot to say about marriage. Some of which comes in the "marriage passages" scattered throughout--instructions to husbands and wives, teaching about sex and relational roles and love and respect. But then the Bible also says so much else about loving our neighbor, loving our enemy, reigning in our tongue, forgiving from the heart, forsaking our crazy agendas for making ourselves the center of the universe--all of which comes into play for a married person in relationship with his or her spouse.

But very little of this could be considered any kind of "technique." Because it's all rooted first not in our attempts to get our lives straight, but in a broken relationship with God that can only be restored through being connected to Jesus who died and rose again for the forgiveness of our sins and the healing of our relationship with God. And it is only through living in this relationship, this relationship of grace, that any of the particular struggles and sufferings of our lives can be addressed with any kind of lasting help. This living relationship with Jesus is what Paul calls being "united to Christ." When a person comes to faith, he passes from death to life, from being alienated from God to being in Christ, united to Christ, joined to him. And all the exhortations to wise & godly living that the Bible contains are all aimed at those who are in fact united to Jesus. That relationship is the foundation of any real and lasting change in our lives.

So back to the title of this post. At the end of the day, "big" Bible in hand, I really only have one thing for my friends and family and church and myself. All I've got for you is Jesus. "How am I going to survive in this marriage? I'm losing hope." All I've got for you is Jesus. Let's talk about communication skills. Let's talk about how you make decisions together. Let's talk about your anger. But what's going to give you the ability to begin to curb your tongue? To soften your angry heart? To forgive in the midst of real wrong? To love and not simply tolerate your spouse? Only the transforming presence of Jesus who is at work in you and your marriage. How are you going to die to your own agenda for your marriage or your health or your kids or your career? Only if you're learning to love God over self, learning to trust Jesus and not yourself, learning to, by the Spirit, put to death the misdeeds of the body (Romans 8:13).

All I've got for you is Jesus. And I'd be lying to tell you otherwise. All I've got for myself is Jesus, and I'm lying to myself when I tell myself otherwise. But, and here's the good news in ministry to others and in my own struggling and suffering, Jesus really is enough.

Stealing & Giving

"You shall not steal." Exodus 20:16

The eighth commandment, like all of the 10 Commandments, has both a negative prohibition and a positive implication. First the negative: no stealing. Don't take what belongs to someone else. Pretty straightforward. It includes all kinds of theft: breaking into someone's house and taking their stuff; purse snatching; fudging on your tax return; wasting time on the internet when you are on the clock at work; stealing someone's ideas or words and passing them off as your own; illegally downloading songs from the internet or copying cds; possibly even finding pictures on websites, copying them, and posting them on your blog like the one here--I'm not sure what the rules are about that.

So, the implications of not stealing pervade all aspects of our lives, from the headline thefts that make the news to the many mundane ways in which we're tempted to take what does not belong to us. And behind this commandment is the fact that personal property matters to God and so it is to rightly matter to us as well. In fact, loving our neighbors (Jesus' summation of commandments five through 10) involves loving their stuff by not taking it from them.

But that's not all. It's not enough only to avoid what the commandments prohibit, because they also encompass the positive aspects of what God calls us to in loving Him and loving our neighbor. And this commandment tells us that it's not enough to simply refrain from stealing from our neighbor, but we are to use our own resources for the good of our neighbors, to concern ourselves not only with our own flourishing but to also be committed to the flourishing of our neighbor as well. Paul gets at this in Ephesians 4:28, when he calls the thieves among us to give up our stealing and embrace generosity:

"Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need."

What's the principle here? We are to actively care for the needs of those around us and even to commit ourselves to honest labor so that we are not only able to meet our own needs but also able to help meet the needs of others. This, I think, is the sticking point of the eighth commandment for most of us. Why is it often so hard for us to embrace this fact, that we are called to a life of generosity to others and openhandedness with our money, our possessions, our stuff, our time? It might be our greed and covetousness--the subject of the 10th commandment. Or it might be a lack of trust in our God. The economy is struggling--how can I be generous? I have children and a mortgage and food costs are soaring--how can I be generous? I live on a fixed income and I'm not sure I've put enough away for my retirement--how can I be generous? I'm only a college student and I'm trying to scrape together enough to buy books--how can I be generous?

You see, we're afraid. Afraid God won't provide, afraid He won't take care of us, afraid of the uncertainties of life. God does call us to live wisely--but He also calls us to live generously as we rest in the generous care of our Father for us. Jesus has a lot to say about trusting our Father for our needs. Remember Matthew 6 in the Sermon on the Mount. Don't be anxious about your life, what your will eat or drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Look at the birds--your Father feeds them though they don't sow or reap. Look at the lilies of the field--they don't spin or sew and your Father clothes them. Don't you know you are much more valuable to your Father than the birds and the flowers? Therefore don't be anxious.... "Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you" (v. 33).

But can we trust that? Trust our Father? Trust Jesus and his words to us? How do we know he understands our struggles, knows our needs, will act generously to us? Here's what Paul said to the Corinthians when he exhorted them to give generously to the needs of others:

"But as you excel in everything—in faith, in speech, in knowledge, in all earnestness, and in our love for you—see that you excel in this act of grace also.... For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor, so that you by his poverty might become rich" (2 Corinthians 8:7,9)

How can we be set free not only to refrain from stealing but to actively share with other, meet their needs, be generous? Only by knowing the generosity of our Father to us in Jesus. Jesus laid aside his riches, made himself poor, in order to meet our need, to make us rich in relationship with our Father, to adopt us into God's family, to give us an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. In other words, not only did Jesus not steal from us, he gave himself for us to generously meet our ever need. May that generosity of our God for us free us to be generous to our neighbor as well. Amen.